The horrific shooting in Connecticut has left me feeling hollow inside. I tossed and turned in bed last night trying to release the images that kept racing through my mind. How do we make sense of this tragedy? How do we find the answers that our broken hearts yearn for? How do we move through the holiday season with joyful celebration? I don’t have answers for any of these questions.
Lately it feels harder and harder to have faith in mankind. The world seems to be spinning out of control, and bad news is around every corner. As I desperately try to find meaning in the painful realities of life, I find my faith deeply challenged.
As humans, we are forever changed in moments like this. The innocence of our children is stripped from their souls, and society begins to walk silently in a veil of fear. We desperately struggle to regain a sense of peace and normalcy, only to be shaken once again (often within days) by another terrible story. We haven’t quite healed from the past tragedy, yet we are forced to cope with the next. This overload of unexpected emotion can leave us feeling confused, sad, and helpless.
My beautiful daughter is in college now, and on the cusp of womanhood. I feel very fortunate that her campus is close to home, and I’m able to share in this special time. When she leaves for school each day, I secretly say a prayer. I ask Divine Spirit to lovingly wrap her in warm light and keep her safe.
My heart and prayers go out to our country, especially to the parents who lost their precious babies yesterday.
Your contagious smile lit up the tiny cracks of my soul
that I didn’t know existed.
The twinkle in your left eye reminded me
that I did something good,
and the twinkle in your right
made me believe in magic.
That over-the-top giggle
that left you pink and breathless,
lived quietly inside of me too.
I used to ponder in awe at the perfection
of your fairy-sized toenails,
and imagine star constellations
while gazing at your freckles.
You could literally stop time
by simply grinning in your sleep,
and weave endless wonder
with just one word…mama.
My lovely girl I love you so,
I’m proud to call you daughter.